took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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