you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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