I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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