At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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