there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
