Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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