3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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