Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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