At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
