I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
