"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
