i think my tv is drunk
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
