you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
