I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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