she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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