Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
