this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
