when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
