Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
