I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
