i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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