you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
