I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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