i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
