these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If I had your ass I would rule the world
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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