You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
