my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He passed out mid-signature
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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