so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
