i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
