He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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