you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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