I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
