I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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