It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
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Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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