i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
