careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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