if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
