i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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