these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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