Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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