once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
