Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
is wine microwaveable?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
