Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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