We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
