you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
