If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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