My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
