She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
