She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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