From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize