And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I enjoy the company of your penis
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
