K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You just made me feel so damn special
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
