Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
