Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
