Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
