If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
