I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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