how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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