My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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