Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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