she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
