it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
