STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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