can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
