watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How external is "for external use only"?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
